There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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