his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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