She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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