Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
two words: eviction party
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
