Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
