Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
