I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
