From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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