my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
