Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
