The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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