your room smells of hookers.
And success
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
