"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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