yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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