My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
