everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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