Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
