You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
