Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
