I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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