I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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