fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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