My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
