i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
