; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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