i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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