My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
