***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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