just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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