and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
