If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
