Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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