i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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