fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just google imaged poop.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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