he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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