When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize