I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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