she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
