This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
