the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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