You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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