I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
