I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize