you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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