She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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