dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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