The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
