well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
