she was so not down for the gang bang
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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