Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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