Pappa wants mamma naked
The beer is more important than you right now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
