Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
