I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
