i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
