My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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