I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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