turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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