I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
