the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
