dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
