How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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