If i come over, it means nothing
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
