so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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