I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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