Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
