so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
