So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
