Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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