Everything about him screamed your future.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
