Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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