Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
